Last week, I saw the movie ‘Lucky You’ with my family. Our dinner after the movie turned out to be a discussion on the rudiments of the game of poker. That discussion inspired a certain curiosity for the game in me and my siblings. So today, when we went to Bonifacio High Street just to check some shops, we should have avoided Hobbes and Landes. Because when we did, we saw a set of poker chips that my sister⎯who is impulsive like me⎯ couldn’t resist not buying.

The chips were not bad for PHP800. It did not look cheap, one bit. The chips were extra thick. They felt heavy in your hands and they seemed flashy stacked high during games, inspiring a grin for the chip leader during games, while the set’s quality inspired us. We felt like professionals despite our rookie mistakes. Before we began, we had to check the internet to make sure our rules were sound.

We started playing when we arrived home at around 9pm and finished 5 hours after. Imagine! We couldn’t stop and we probably would have continued playing until the rooster’s crow if it weren’t for our work. We had the time of our lives! At least, I did. The last time the three of us played together like that was before any of us became teenagers. The youngest amongst us now is 22.

I’m gonna miss my siblings (when I leave for Singapore). I love those two! Jean-jean and Matt.

The other day, I gave in. I went to Bonifacio High Street to check the laptop bags selling there. Here in the Philippines, I use a Samsonite knapsack to carry my laptop because I drive a car to go to places, but whenever I’d ride the MRT’s my back would sweat profusely. Since in the recent months to come, I will be forming close ties with the MRT’s of Singapore, this is unacceptable. If I didn’t change my bag now, I’ll be sick with pneumonia before mid-sem next year. I needed a bag that would not cover my back so it could still breathe. It needed I want it to be stylish and of course, it has to be tough.

Along came Crumpler.They have bags for all your styled and practical needs. They have regular bags, messenger bags, laptop bags, camera bags and other small I-dunno-whachamacaulit-bags.

I eyed this laptop bag called “Roll-O-Notes.” It was perfect for me. It was one of the last bags that was created in Australia making it a limited edition.

The bag’s features include (and brace yourself):

1. Heavy Padding This baby packs a padded punch. You could use it as an egg drop if your egg is hard enough. It’s fully padded in absolutely all sides.
2. Strong Velcro Velcro on this baby can hold an elephant in place, a baby elephant. Kidding aside, this bag’s velcro is so tough it’s certified toddler proof.
3. Third LegWanna ride a bike or ride the MRT like me? Don’t you just hate it when your messenger bag sways to your sides and knocks of innocent bystanders in the streets? Crumpler has incorporated the third leg in their bags.
4. Dupont Cordura Plus To ensure quality and toughness, this bag uses Dupont Cordura Plus a material that is “2x as tough as regular nylon, 3x tougher than polyester, 4x tougher than polypropylene, 14x tougher than cotton and 600x tougher than the skinny bit at the bottom of your underwear.” Water-proof and tear-resistant.
5. Huge, Heavy-duty Zippers. We’ve all experienced zippers that are too old to zip up or down. This baby’s zips are so big, it will live longer than it’s owner.
6. Adjustable Strap and Keep Sleeve. Wanna have the option to let your mag droop down on your side or hold tight behind you at other times? Check out the huge plastic monster buckle. And anytime you have loose strap hanging, you could use the sleeve keep.
7. Airline Seat Belt Standard Straps. And never forget that the straps on this baby uses the same material for car seat-belts. You can hang on to it for dear life and pose for the cameras at the same time.

I went home after looking at the bags. But not more than an hour’s thought later, I was driving back to the store to purchase the bag.
So I gave in. So what? It’s a good bag.

This story began one early morning, before the sun started shining, and I was about to leave for Changgi airport. I was having breakfast with my sister in Singapore. We were having a lovely chat. Just something to make sure nothing is left unsaid. After finishing my bread with butter and jam, my sister stood and said she had something she wanted me to taste before I left.

She opened her refrigerator and brought out something shaped like a block covered with tough aluminum, made messy by cheese that seemed to escape from the inside. She said it was philadelphia cheese. Okay.

I stood up, got my butter and jam covered knife and, without opening the cheese’s covering, scraped a little of the cheese on the outside using the part of the knife free from butter and jam. It tasted like butter and a little waxy. She said it shouldn’t so I tried again. I took a slightly bigger bit. But the taste of the second was no different from the first. She said I must be tasting the butter from my knife so I opened the wrapper and saw that the cheese had some herbal thing embedded in it. I showed it to my sister and asked if it was herbal cheese. She laughed and apologized to me. Upon closer examination, I realized the herbal growth I noticed was actually molds that spoiled the cheese.

I drank a couple glasses of water, scared I might get food poisoning. But I couldn’t wait any longer for medication because my plane was about to leave. My flight was hassle free. I was home in the Philippines safely. The day after, I experienced vertigo like symptoms. I did some research and learned sometimes food poisoning could cause stomach acidity and in turn make one nauseous. So for the last couple of days, I have been eating fibrous foods hoping to sweep whatever toxins I may have inside me.

But right now, I rethink things. This couldn’t be a mere toxin problem because my stomach is okay. I’m not acidic. My belly is never bloated. If it’s a problem caused by food poisoning I should be clean by now. I think the cause is caused by some tough choices I had to make in the recent past.

It’s funny because I tried to fool myself into believing I’m okay, and believed I fell for it. It was when I saw my face in the mirror⎯my dry face, that’s usually oily in the heat of summer, that is chapped in some places⎯that I realized how hard times have been on me. You see, I act normal, I don’t do foolish things and I get up early in the morning, as someone healthy would. I believed myself to be okay, but I bet my spirit is not.

You see, I am stepping on the thresholds of two doors. Behind me, my life. Everything I have invested myself in. Family. Friends. Before me, what I want to be and the design of my future. Inside me, the pain of separation, the joys of anticipation and a huge crack separating two parts for the two doors they yearn to get into. I wish I could leave one half behind. That way I wouldn’t have to worry about leaving anything. Because it makes me sick.I’m like your molded cheese. Normal in the outside. “Herbal growth” in the inside. I have butter and jam feet, always unsure, always soft.

And then one day I realize it’s the elections in our country. Nothing will change, really. Nothing will change especially if those who are charged to do something good for a change choose not to do anything at all. And then one day, I receive a letter saying “e tan, e epi tan” (come home with this, or on this.)